Flirting 101
by Accio Abarero
Summary: James gaped, much like a fish out of water, and made a few strangled noises that were clearly his eloquent attempt to salvage his well thought out flirting plan. [JamesLily]


**Pairings:** James/Lily  
**Genre:** Humor/Romance  
**Note:** Dedicated to haro (Kellychan85) because her amusement with the ship merged name 'Lames' kept both of us up late laughing about it.

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The common room was quiet. _Too quiet_, the red-haired girl noted to herself. She'd recognized the footsteps that she'd heard a moment earlier and knew that their owner had come to a stop within harassing distance of her. But then it went silent- eerily so.

And that's when she heard it: the soft, _whoosh-whoosh_ noise that could be attributed to one thing and one thing only.

"If you're just going to stand there and fluff your hair, please do excuse yourself from the room as even the sound of your hair-fluffing is irritating me."

The sound abruptly stopped and Lily could just _feel_ the grin growing on his face.

"I see even the mere sound of the Potter-Hair Flip is too much to handle. Does it make you so weak in the knees that you can't concentrate on your homework, Evans?"

Lily scoffed, not bothering to look up from her books. Tapping her quill to her lips, she shot back a remark.

"Actually, it does make me feel something..."

"Y-yes?" He jumped on her words, eager as could be.

"I think it might be repulsion. It's a horrible queasy-illness feeling, you see."

She couldn't help but glance out of the corner of her eye then to watch as his face fell.

_Evans +501, Potter still 0_, she mentally tallied, figuring that five-hundred was a good estimate of the times he had bothered her in this manner.

"Actually, Lily? I did have something to tell you, if you don't mind," he said it so tentatively that she was startled; immediately glancing up to make sure that it wasn't Remus who was now speaking to her so politely.

"...Yes?" She asked warily on seeing that it was indeed still James Potter in the room.

"I've been thinking you see..."

"Well, that is amazing!" Lily cut him off, smirking to herself, "James Potter- thinking. I do say, this is a first for you."

"Ha ha," he muttered. Clearing his throat, he continued, "As I was saying, I happened upon a very charming thought today and thought it only right that I share my happiness with you."

She raised an eyebrow and waved a hand to indicate that he should continue.

"You see- our names, if you merge them together they make such a melodic sound and I figured that this couldn't be a coincidence," he grinned at that, confidence practically oozing throughout the room.

"Merged together?" Lily questioned, "You mean '_Lames_'?"

She stifled a laugh as the word rolled off her tongue. She knew it was ridiculous sounding, but hearing it aloud made it all the worse.

"_Lames_?" James balked, trying his best to recover from the verbal blow, "No, not that. It's _Jily_. See- it's melodic!"

Lily's lips twisted up into a smirk, "Oh, of course- the J from James would be put first. I forgot to figure your ego into this mess."

James gaped, much like a fish out of water, and made a few strangled noises that were clearly his eloquent attempt to salvage his well-thought out flirting plan. Before he could manage another word though, a loud barking laugh sounded from the staircase.

"Lames! That's a good-one, mate. Bloody brilliant!" The voice called down from the stairs to the boys' rooms. He closed the door behind him, but Sirius's loud voice was still audible down in the common room. "Oi, Remus- didja hear James's latest? _Lames!_ He's trying to flirt with Evans by saying their names together figures out to be _Lames_! It's downright mental!"

James turned bright red, knowing that even good ole Moony had put down his books to laugh at him by now; and that somewhere Peter was torn between his loyalty to James and laughing at his blunder as well.

Turning to go through the portrait hole, and practically dripping with defeat, James halted as he caught the smallest of sounds. Daring to glance over at Lily once more, he saw her smiling and sitting down her quill.

"You're hopeless, you know that?" She said quietly.

He shrugged, raking a hand through his disheveled hair, "I know. But that doesn't stop me from trying."

James managed a weak smile as he shuffled out through the portrait hole. Lily called out after him.

"James?"

He turned around and she regretted it immediately. Why did she feel she needed to make James Potter- of all people- feel better? _Probably because he just isn't James Potter if his ego isn't insufferable,_ she reasoned to herself.

The black-haired boy stood there, waiting in silence and hoping that he'd not imagined his name coming from Lily's beautiful lips.

"_Jily_ isn't all that bad, but if you insist on _Lames_ then you need to add a note that the 'lame' part of the name applies to you and you only."

She said it soft enough he knew she was genuinely trying to make him feel better; and for him, that was enough to make his self-esteem rocket right back up to (as Lily put it) insufferable levels.

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind when I'm using it on our wedding invitations."

He grinned as she sighed in frustration.

"I've told you a thousand times, James Potter, we are not and never will be an 'us.'"

"You just keep telling yourself that," James replied with a wink, exiting triumphantly from the portrait hole out into the hallways.

Lily stared after him, practically jumping when Sirius's voice boomed from across the room.

"Merlin's jockstrap, she's blushing! Over Mr. Lames!"

Her panicked green eyes darted to the stairs, catching sight of Sirius and Remus standing there. Peter stuck his head out a moment later to see what the fuss was about.

"I would never blush about someone as idiotic as him," she recovered.

"Ooh, nice _lame_ retort there, Evans," Sirius grinned as she flustered further at the word.

"Will you lot shut it, I am trying to study here."

"Whatever you say, Evans. Whatever you say."

And as the trio of boys crossed the room to follow James down to the Great Hall, Lily quickly gathered her things to take back to her room.

_Lames_, she chuckled to herself. Then glancing around, as if an eavesdropper might intrude on her thoughts as well, she smiled. _I wonder if the idiot really would put it on our wedding invitations..._


End file.
